OneManOneCity - Musings from the Center of the Universe

OneManOneCity - Musings from the Center of the Universe

Posts Tagged ‘10001’

I’ll take a six inch Italian

Sunday, February 15th, 2009

I occasionally get a sandwich from Subway for lunch since there is one right next to my office (and that “5-dollar foot long” has been drilled into my head so much, I feel drawn to the store). Also, it’s getting harder and harder to get a cheap sandwich in manhattan, so the $5-dollar deal is pretty reasonable, despite the fact that the sandwiches aren’t that great.

Anyway, so I was waiting in line to get my sandwich and a flamingly gay guy (not that there’s anything wrong with that) in front of me orders his sandwich:

Guy: “I’ll take a meatball sub.”
Subway Employee: “Footlong?”
Guy: “No a six-incher is all I can handle.”

I had to summon every last ounce of my willpower to avoid laughing out loud (or LOL’ing as the kids call it). Neither of them even cracked a smile.

Then the girl immediately behind me (who was wearing way too much make up, a matching tracksuit, large hoop earrings, and was way too tan for winter) orders a “6-inch Italian” and starts hysterically laughing. Thank you! At least someone else realizes how ridiculous these orders are. Also, based on her appearance, something tells me that wasn’t the first time she made that order.

Subway: where penis jokes abound.

The three little kittens lost their mittens . . .

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

Yeah, so I manged to lose my new wool hat somewhere in my travels today (which for my rockstar lifestyle entails: apartment, subway,work, subway, apartment). This marks the third time in about 4 weeks I lost a hat, scarf, or gloves for no apparent reason. It’s getting to the point that I should just buy them in bulk from Costco. I can put a hat dispenser near my front door and just wear each one until I lose it.

Or maybe I need to start pinning them to my jacket with directions to my house, like a developmentally-challenged child. At this point, these  are my only options. The life-span of a hat in my possession is about 2 weeks and dropping.

I thought I hit a low point three weeks ago when I managed to accidentally leave my scarf in Burlington Coat Factory while coat shopping (it was too cold and I was too lazy to go back and get it). And I didn’t even buy a coat! So my net output for my shopping trip was negative-1 scarf. Although I do wonder what happened to the scarf. Do you think they tried to re-sell it? Burlington Coat Factory does sell random items it buys in bulk from other stores, and it’s the kind of place that could have one of something. I like to think the mimimum-wage stockboy wandered around in confusion for about 45 minutes trying to figure out what to do with the scarf, then just hid it somewhere so he didn’t have to deal with it (and this will go on and on for eternity).

I saw a guy smoking crack in a subway station today.

Sunday, December 28th, 2008

I’m sure there are some people who might think this is a regular sighting for us living in the liberal/sodomite/crackden that is New York City, but this is the first person I’ve ever seen someone smoking crack in person (Of course, I have seen it in movies/TV and home videos of Amy Winehouse).

The guy was standing on the end of the subway platform, hiding behind a garbage container, sparking away on his crack pipe (I’m assuming it was crack, because I was pretty close to him at first, and it didn’t smell like marijuana.  It could have been something like PCP or some other random drug, but i didn’t stop to ask him, so we’re sticking with the crack assumption). Unfortunately, although he thought he had chosen an inconspicuous hiding place, he chose to “hide” during rush hour on the end of the platform where the train enters.  So there were about 50 people standing on the platform facing his direction (and the direction of the incoming train), watching this guy smoke crack.  Lesson:  Crackheads are terrible at hide ‘n’ seek.

I should also note, he was also rotating the crackpipe with a beer and a cigarette, since it’s always best to attack sobriety from all angles.